What Keeps Us Stuck

| December 21, 2010 | Comments (0)

At a very young age, a child will either feel safe or not feel safe depending on the environment in which she is raised. If the child doesn’t feel safe, she unconsciously starts to develop strategies for self-protection. The threats she is protecting herself from, are either real or imagined. Say for example she has a raging father. A self-protective strategy might be to do anything she can to stop him from raging. The unconscious, self-protective strategy that is keeping her feeling safe becomes a habitual pattern of giving up her power to others, of trying to please others, so she feels safe.

We Live Out of an Expanded or Contracted Emotional State

Safety is not an intellectual process. It’s an emotional process. The energetic of the nervous system is always tuning into the environment and the feedback that it’s getting is basically giving the child data. The child begins to judge whether she’s safe to be open and make herself available to the world around her.

When the child feels safe she is in an expanded emotional state. In this expanded state, she has access to all her inner resources – she is open-hearted, loving, caring, creative, open-minded. When she is contracted she’s in a fearful and defensive state of mental collapse. In this fearful state she moves into a self-protective mode, resistant to what is happening in the moment. The more fearful we she is, the more contracted and unavailable she is to life.

As the child tunes into the environment around her the feedback she is getting is data that gets stored in her subconscious and the nervous system. If she is raised in an environment that was safe and open, her body actually responds by being open, receptive, and soft. This physiologically becomes ingrained in her subconscious and cellular memory, and becomes her way of being in the world. On the other hand, if the environment that surrounds her tends to be hostile, her body would actually constrict so that all her energy is harnessed to move into fight or flight. Living from a self-protective mode then becomes ingrained in her subconscious and cellular memory.

Ingrained Patterns

As the child grows into adulthood her nervous system will become triggered by cellular memories based on the strategies she unconsciously created as a child. If at the times she was most open she became the most hurt, she will feel that being open to receiving is dangerous… she might not get what she wants. As a result, she will unconsciously go into a self-protective mode. The pain of that early experience, and fear that it will happen again, is so terrifying that she closes down before she gets a chance to access it. This ingrained pattern is unconscious and habitual. It is what keeps her stuck in patterns that continue to repeat themselves in her life. Until she consciously becomes aware of this conditioned patterning she will find herself unable to break free of it.

©2010 Patricia Rubino

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Category: Empowerment

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