The Antidote For Perfectionism

| January 11, 2011 | Comments (0)

Do you always think you’re right? Do you keep doing things over and over to get them right? Is there always one more thing you need to take care of? Do you find yourself being dishonest with yourself and others because you want to appear to be without flaws? If you have any of these tendencies, you may well be a perfectionist.

Perfectionism is a reaction to feelings of inferiority and inadequacy.  Perfectionists live lives preoccupied by fear of failure and disapproval, a preoccupation which causes them much inner struggle, and uses up much of their energy. They believe they must be perfect just to be acceptable, and see mistakes as evidence of their unworthiness. They tend to over-think things and become overly defensive when criticized. With this whole constellation of behaviors, what perfectionists are merely trying to do is win love, acceptance, and approval.

Perfectionism keeps you stuck in a vicious cycle of always trying to improve something and never taking the next steps forward. It’s like moving through life with one foot on the accelerator and one foot on the brake… you won’t get too far. Self-doubt and fear of disapproval, ridicule, rejection and living in an almost constant state of overwhelm are typical emotions of perfectionists. You never feel like you can relax and just go out and play, as you’re dogged by feelings that there’s always more to do to get it right. It doesn’t allow you to just hang out and be you… you miss out on fun, relaxation, and a sense of satisfaction with your life.

Learning Self Trust

Once the perfectionist becomes aware of their thought patterns, they realize that in trying to be perfect they unwittingly have kept themselves stuck, imperfect, and unhappy. So, how do you trade-in perfectionism for authenticity? How do you transform the heavy emotions for love?… By learning self-trust, awakening to your authentic nature, and knowing you’re enough. You do this by moving into your core and resting there. It is the place where you are connected with the core of the universe.

  • Take the pressure of self-criticism off yourself and give others a break by releasing your habitual critical thoughts of them by taking the significance out of things.
  • Accept what is and live in the present moment, unattached to the past or the future.
  • Know that everything has a timing attached to it… that you have been preparing to offer your gifts of love into the world.
  • Set your intentions so that imperfect results do not lead to punitive consequences.
  • Forgive yourself and others and accept imperfections as part of being human. 
  • Start to recognize mistakes, failures, and general imperfections as the opportunities they are to learn and grow.
  • Get in-touch with your authentic self and live your life with purpose and passion.

While you take these steps consciously, be as gently with yourself as you would a child who is learning how to walk. When the child falls down you don’t get angry at them, you give them love… so give yourself that same love. Love yourself back to trusting your authentic self. Learn to be your own best friend.

©2011 Patricia Rubino

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Category: Transformation

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